The Deacons of Rose Hill Presbyterian Church have formed the Teacup Ministry for the purpose of sharing with widows (and other single women) in a loving and caring way on a more personal basis. It is a one-on-one method of support, not another monthly meeting. Our mission is to be there after the first week and to provide information that would be of valuable assistance to these ladies.

Our Teacup Resource brochure lists the names of people and businesses that have proven to be helpful to widows. This is not asking for discounts or special deals. However, to be included, they must be recommended and found to be honest and reliable when dealing with others.

Our brochures also include helpful hints and resources in dealing with grief, reaching out, and one-on-one opportunities for support.

The below article was written by Jeanetta Chrystie and published in the
Northwest Christian Times, April 2001

KIRKLAND-The Teacup Ministry, a one-on-one method of support for widows, has drawn 28 women into a more active fellowship with each other and members of Rose Hill Presbyterian Church.

Visionaries Jan and Jerry Erickson, who felt a burden for the widows at the church, launched the volunteer effort as a way to minister to them within the first week of their loss.

"New widows need to talk with someone who has been there before them," said Jan. "Widows often hide their emotions, they need to share their fears with those who know where they're coming from, who truly understand."

Started in January of this year, the number of involved women, and handymen, is quickly growing. The "each one reach one" method has already incorporated 28 of the church's widows into a more active fellowship with each other and the church body.

"Widows don't always know where to turn, they feel self-conscious, each molehill becomes a mountain," said Jan, adding that the ministry helps them focus on each other as they discover other widows with similar interests and obstacles.

"It's easy to tell a widow to call you if they need anything, but they feel too embarrassed - like they're imposing," she said. "Offer to fill a specific need for a widow at a specific time."

Initially, after the loss of someone's spouse, a Teacup Ministry volunteer visits the new widow - bringing her a boxed gift of a teacup, place mat, napkin, some tea bags and a note of welcome. The volunteer also brings along her own teacup, place mat and napkin that she previously received. Together the two widows visit over tea.

Erickson said the new friendships help ease the loneliness widows endure when faced with doing activities they previously did as a couple, including going to church activities. Then they go home alone. Widows who have become friends can reach out to new widows by giving them rides to church and going out for lunch together afterward.

It can also be difficult for longtime widows to return to an active social life, even when they want to and are invited to join others. Sometimes befriending a widow can mean being willing to spend Sunday School sitting out in the church parking lot with another widow who just can't bring herself to attend alone yet.

"It's a great outreach to widowed ladies who need help, companionship and new ideas," said Mrs. Clark, who, like other participants, asked that her full name not be disclosed since she lives alone.

Mrs. Anderson agreed, saying the ministry helps to draw women out of their cocoon.

"Too often widows isolate themselves, feeling like their identity now is that of half a couple instead of being a whole person," she said. "Widows don't feel comfortable initiating contact with others for just ordinary fellowship and recreation. They wait to be asked so they don't feel like they're intruding."

Teacup Ministry is not a support group. It is a way for widows to reach out to other widows and build their own network of meaningful friendships and activities.

"This is really bringing the single ladies together where we can bare our problems and get help when needed," said Mrs. Wing. "People need to know what help a new widow wants. As a widow progresses in healing, the needs change. It's all about understanding and helping."

The Teacup Ministry also organizes non-widowed volunteers by various lists, including one featuring names of people willing to help with practical matters, including everything from gardening and yard work to paperwork and financial bookkeeping.

A separate Wish List encourages new widows to link with others by providing information on their interests and activities. Some women on the Wish List offer transportation, walking partners, shopping companions, or day trips around the area. Others prefer going to lunch, plays, concerts, or playing table games, or trading and discussing books.

In addition to women and men offering their personal services for around-the-house jobs, church members often recommend to widows some area services they've found trustworthy and reasonably priced. They also try to include widows in potlucks and other gatherings. The Teacup Ministry also provides a brochure of Helpful Hints on coping with the stages of loss and grief. They advise widows to accept invitations to get out, to expand their circle of life and to become volunteers themselves when they feel ready. The Teacup Ministry has placed relevant books in the church library for new widows to read for help and encouragement.

The ministry has created questionnaires that church members can use to indicate their willingness to donate their time or talents. Besides interest at Rose Hill, two more churches are already looking to start similar Teacup Ministries.