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- Don't take responsibility for everyone else's holiday happiness, or their attitude.
- Any task you take on should be viewed as a choice you have made.
- List your dislikes about the holidays and see if you can get rid of them.
- Don't be seduced by your own traditions. Identify what is important to you and your family and eliminate or simplify the rest.
- Give yourself at least one reward that you enjoy: do something just for yourself and encourage others to give themselves "rewards" also.
- If you are alone, refuse to allow yourself to be lonely. Share your holidays with someone who needs you.
- Take time with your family and friends to share in the real meaning of the holidays.
- Delegate responsibilities and get others creatively involved. Don't try to do everything yourself.
- And finally, take care of yourself. Don't overspend, overindulge, or overwork. Enjoy what you're doing today. Work on keeping your attitude positive and joyful whatever you are doing.
(compiled by five of the Teacup ladies during a brainstorming session)
| 1. | Most felt they would stay put in their present living style until it was absolutely necessary to move. They were not clear on their next move.
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| 2. | Children should realize you are in a different place in your life and you should be free to make decisions which are best for you, not them. Don't "mother" Mother, but be there to listen and hold her hand.
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| 3. | An 18-month waiting period after husband's death is necessary before making a decision to change lifestyle.
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| 4. | You may still have elderly parents to consider at this time.
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| 5. | If you choose to move many miles away, or out of state, to live near a child, rethink. You may be lonely or not content in a new location. You cannot expect children to include you in all of their activities. You must build a life of your own. You cannot go back to your younger years.
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| 6. | Start downsizing CLEAN OUT! CLEAN OUT! All are in agreement on this.
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| 7. | Start giving children things they would like to have. If it is important to you what happens to a treasured item, then give it careful thought before giving it away.
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| 8. | Sort out old photographs of each child and give them back to them.
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| 9. | Have a family potluck and go through old family photographs. Each person chooses the ones they would like to keep. This is a wonderful time for reminiscing.
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| 10. | Ask children to put sticky notes on items they would like to have. If two or more desire the same thing, then decide by a drawing. Make a list and put it with a copy of your will. (See also "Gift to Loved Ones")
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| 11. | It was suggested a family auction could be held and the money divided evenly among the participants.
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| 12. | How will you fit into a planned retirement area?
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| 13. | Money could be a problem? Concerned about quality of care. Did not make good financial provision for retirement.
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| 14. | Suggestion that women would like organized trips to various retirement homes in the area. |
(a clipped article shared with the entire group)
Before you decide to rent or buy your next home, it pays to compare the costs. Here's one way to do the calculations, with a little help from the Internet.
COSTS OF OWNING
| 1. | Find out the price of houses or condos in the area where you want to live. Call local real estate agents, check the newspaper, or browse some of the 1.4 million listings on the National Association of Realtors' Web site, www.realtor.com.
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| 2. | Add in property taxes. Some real estate listings on the Internet include them, but if they do not, call a listing agent or the local tax assessor. To find the tax assessor's phone number for a particular county, go to www.taxweb.com, click on state tax links, and search for a list of county assessors.
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| 3. | Estimate how much you'll spend on maintenance, utilities, and homeowner's insurance. If you have no idea how much utilities cost, call local real estate agents for an estimate. For maintenance and repair costs, you might use 1 percent of your home's purchase price a year (more if you buy an older home that's likely to require a lot of work).
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| 4. | Calculate the income you'd lose by tying up your money in a house rather than investing it for the number of years you think you'll live there. To do this, use the rent vs. buy calculator on the College for Financial Planning's Web site, www.fp.edu. (This site will help you work through all the steps in this box.)
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| 5. | Add all the costs from steps 1 through 4. This is the gross cost of home ownership.
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| 6. | Calculate the home equity you'll accumulate and the tax benefits you'll enjoy using the rent vs. buy calculator at www.fp.edu.
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| 7. | To find the total net cost of owning a home, subtract your home equity in step 6 from your gross costs in step 5. This is the net cost of owning.
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COSTS OF RENTING
| 1. | Research rents in the area of your choice. One way to do this is by browsing the 3.5 million listings on www.rent.net. These listings usually note which, if any, utility bills tenants must pay.
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| 2. | Add a modest amount for tenant's insurance. Renters pay less than homeowners because they're not insuring the building
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| 3. | Calculate your rent over the number of years you think you'll live in the home. Don't forget to include rent increases, perhaps at the rate of 3 percent a year. Again, the rent vs. buy calculator at www.fp.edu can help you do this.
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| 4. | Add all the costs from steps 1 through 3. This is the total cost of renting. |
(compiled by five Teacup ladies during a brainstorming session)
| 1. | Vision is a concern. Cataract surgery dramatically improves vision so this could lift driving restrictions.
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| 2. | Listen to your children!
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| 3. | Taxis are not always reliable.
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| 4. | Some elderly may have communication difficulties in explaining to Access Van what they need. (Access Van is a Seattle Metro public transportation door-to-door service for individuals with limited mobility.) We have women using it regularly and they are very pleased with them. |
(a clipped article shared with the entire group)
WHERE TO DRINK TEA
| 1. | Eastside: The British Pantry; Country Cottage; If Only Teacups Could Talk; Whiffletree Tea Room; The Woodmark Hotel.
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| 2. | Greater Seattle: The Crumpet Shop; The Garden Court (Four Seasons Hotel); Ginko Tea; Green Gables Guesthouse; Imperial Tea Court; The Library Cafe; MarketSpice; Morning Glory Chai; Pekoe Teahouse (inside World Merchants); Perennial Tea Room; Queen Mary; Sorrento Hotel; Teahouse Kuan Yin; Teacup; Travelers Tea Bar; The Wellington; Wit's End Books & Tea |
WHERE TO BUY TEA
| 1. | Ten Ren Tea
506 S. King Street
Seattle
206/749-9855
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| 2. | World Merchants
1509 Western Avenue
Seattle
206/682-7274
www.worldspice.com
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| 3. | Teacup
2207 Queen Anne Avenue N.
Seattle
206/283-5931
www.tearanch.com
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| 4. | The Perennial Tea Room
1910 Post Alley
Seattle
888/448-4054
www.perennialtearoom.com
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| 5. | Grocery stores. Almost every grocery store carries special tea flavors now. Be sure to include decaffeinated flavors at your tea parties. |
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